I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
