This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
