I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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