walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
