No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
