You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
