i think my tv is drunk
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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