I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
