i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
