I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
