this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
