neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
