Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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