I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can I color on your dick again?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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