Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
