The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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