You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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