dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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