You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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