My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
