so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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