Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
