That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
