Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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