I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
