Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
