Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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