Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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