Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
