So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
