A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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