ya dads aren't the best wingmen
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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