I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You did what with his pubic hair?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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