Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
