Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
