Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
