I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
