The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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