he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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