im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
