Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
