just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
