Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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