i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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