Pants 0. Shit 1.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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