you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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