I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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