I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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