Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
