Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
