I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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