I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize