Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
