I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
