Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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