I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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