I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think my fart just growled at me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
