Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
