So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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