Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do vagina's smell?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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