Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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