All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
