Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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