i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
