Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
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