At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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