Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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