the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
