My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
