Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Buhtt sex?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize